I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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