Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
