im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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