I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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