Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
