he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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