like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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