man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
