OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
