White coat. Heels.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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