Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
