They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
