i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
