why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
