i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
