I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
