having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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