This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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