Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
