This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
