You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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