I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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