it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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