I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
