no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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