Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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