You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
