Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
