drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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