Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize