He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
