dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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