i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
