One girl and one boy is just not enough.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
