Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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