i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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