Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
