I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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