he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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