the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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