There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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