I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
