Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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