Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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