i would punch a child for taco bell
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
