I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
