Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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