Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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