i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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