I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
