Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize