did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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