legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
