I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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