I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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