so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize