I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
