Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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