I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
