you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize