bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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