I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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