Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
