I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
