I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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