I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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