Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
