The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
