i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
