I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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