I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
