I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
