Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
