She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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