Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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