jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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