I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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