Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
