Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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