Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
