at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
