im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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