I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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