living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
